Find Your Outside Voice Part 3 - It’s Just a Yes or a No
Save your spot for my upcoming workshop HERE!
How to Find Your Outside Voice is a miniseries leading up to my free workshop, Say What You Need to Say. This series is driven by my deep belief that when women learn how to speak up in ways that feel safe and doable, it can change everything. In this episode, we’re exploring how every conversation you’ve been dreading is really just a "yes" or a "no" that you haven’t said yet.
Register for Say What You Need to Say, a free one-hour workshop for women who are ready to finally ask for what they want and need in their relationships.
You have three options to join me LIVE: Thursday, April 9th at 5:00pm PT | Monday, April 13th at 12pm PT | Friday, April 17th at 9am PT
You’ll get three steps you can use this week to find your yes or no — and say it out loud.
This workshop is free. No catch.
Find Sara here:
pages.sarafisk.coach/difficultconversations
youtube.com/@sarafiskcoaching1333
What happens inside the free Stop People Pleasing Facebook Community? Our goal is to provide help and guidance on your journey to eliminate people pleasing and perfectionism from your life. We heal best in a safe community where we can grow and learn together and celebrate and encourage each other. This group is for posting questions about or experiences with material learned in The Ex-Good Girl podcast, Sara Fisk Coaching social media posts or the free webinars and trainings provided by Sara Fisk Coaching. See you inside!
Transcript
00:58
Episode 3, podcast miniseries, Find Your Outside Voice. All right, I promised you a story about a car. That's what we're doing today. But first, I want to update you on something that I've been thinking about a lot lately.
01:12
For the last seven years, I have run a group coaching program called Stop People Pleasing. Maybe you've heard me talk about it. For a long time, it was the right name. But lately, I have started to dream bigger, bigger for myself and bigger for the women that I want to serve.
01:29
I don't want you to just stop people pleasing. I want you to feel deeply connected to yourself, who you really are, what you really want. And I also want you to feel deeply connected to the most important people in your life, where you are able to have relationships that are very clear, where you can be vulnerable, where you can be intimate, where you can show up as the whole of who you are and be loved and accepted.
01:58
And I also want you to feel deeply connected to your life, to your life that feels authentic to who you are and what you want, to your values, to what you want to be doing with your time and your energy.
02:10
I want you to feel deeply connected to a life that feels very fulfilling and maybe even powerful. And so I'm changing the name. The program is now called Connected. Not because our work is significantly different.
02:26
It's actually very much still the same. We're still going to talk about people pleasing, but because we're not just stopping something. We're building something. Relationships with ourselves and with others that are deeply satisfying, reciprocal, deeply connected, and worth every bit of the work that we put in.
02:46
So connected means to you, to your life, to your time, to your energy, to the important people in your life. And you're going to hear me talk more about connected later, but I wanted you to hear it from me here.
03:00
So more on that later. Let's get back to the car. So I had a client. Let's call her Claire. And Claire was in a time of life transition. She had a bunch of kids and the last of her children had just gone off to college.
03:14
And so for the first time, she didn't need to have a car for transporting kids. She wanted something different. She had the money and she wanted a car that was a little sportier than the mom minivan, right?
03:29
Full of the soccer balls and dirty cleats that she had been driving around for so long. She wanted something that felt like her. And she had spent about six months thinking about this car. Six months.
03:43
When we talked about what was in the way of her buying this car, she said, I worry that my mom will say I'm being extravagant when I should be more practical. She said that she was worried that her ex-husband would think that the car was too expensive.
03:59
Like, why does the ex-husband get a vote? I don't know, but that's how brains work, right? And so in running through this long list of all the people that would have thoughts about her purchase, she said to me, and I want you to notice this, she said, I know this is so stupid.
04:18
And I want to stop right there because I hear this phrase a lot. This is stupid. This is silly. I know this is so small. I'm embarrassed that this is even taking up space in my head. And it is never silly.
04:30
It's never stupid. Hey, have you ever had a moment where you really wanted to ask for something? You wanted to maybe set a limit or tell someone about the support you needed and you just couldn't make yourself say it.
04:47
Almost like the words got stuck. Me too. And actually, I lived that way for years. I felt alone and exhausted. And it's the whole reason that I do the work that I do now. If any part of that sounds familiar, have I got a workshop for you?
05:03
My next workshop is called Say What You Want to Say, and it is for you if you find that it is really easy to speak up for maybe your clients or your kids or your colleagues, but when it comes to your own personal life, you can't ask for what you want.
05:19
Or maybe you've noticed that you spend a lot of time, days, weeks, maybe even months, rehearsing what you want to say, but then the minute things get uncomfortable, you cave or you apologize or you retreat.
05:33
You're not the problem. You just never learned the skill. Say What You Want to Say is a free one hour workshop that's happening on April 9th at 5 p.m. Pacific. And here's what I can promise. You will leave with one skill and one thing you can actually do that week.
05:50
So you become the woman who can have any conversation she needs to have and handle whatever happens. Check the show notes for the registry link or you can also grab it from my Instagram bio and I'll see you there.
06:04
Because underneath the car, underneath every situation that feels like conflict is a woman who learned a long time ago that what she wants is not as important as what people are going to think about it.
06:22
And whether or not they approve of it is the most important thing. This is not silly. This belief makes a lot of sense. It was once very important for us to conform to what the people around us wanted.
06:36
And it's just a belief that was still running her entire life. And here's the thing specifically about Claire's situation that I want to draw your attention to. Six months, six months of spinning and worrying about what other people would think.
06:53
So I asked her, do you want the car? And she stopped and she thought about it because she had lost sight of what she wanted in all of the worrying about what everybody else was going to think. And so when I asked her just that and nothing more, she said, I really do.
07:13
I really do want this car. And that is the whole first step. Just letting herself feel her yes, to know that it's what she really wanted. And so here's the reframe that I want to take with you today.
07:28
Every conversation you've been dreading, every situation that you're spinning about in your head is just a yes or no that you haven't said yet. Whether it feels impossibly big or embarrassingly small and silly, whether it's a conversation with your husband or your boss or a decision about a car or a vacation or where to eat, it's just a yes or no that you haven't said yet.
07:55
And it always comes back to the same question. What do I actually want? Is this a yes or a no? Simple is not the same as easy, and I know that. And so while this is a simple reframe, there's going to be some work that we need to do together.
08:11
Everything that comes after the yes or the no, how to say it, and what to do when they push back and how to support yourself and stay in the conversation, that's real work. And that's what Connected is actually built to teach.
08:26
But the yes or no always comes first. And you can find your yes or your no with me in this workshop that I'm teaching. Say what you need to say. You can find it this week. The workshop is free. The link is in the show notes.
08:41
Come and learn how to find your yes or your no with me. Get signed up. I'll see you in just a little bit. And I'll see you for episode four.
